*Providing support and demonstrating consideration for individual staff members*
*Stimulating growth in the professional capacities of staff
*Modelling the school’s values and practices
*Building trusting relationships with and among staff, students and parents
*Establishing productive working relationships with teacher federation representatives
April 19, 2016
Working alongside parents is an integral part of a school administrator’s job. There are some that would say that it can be one of the most difficult pieces in the school leadership puzzle. While both of these statements are true, I also feel that this part can also be the most rewarding.
In the past few days, I have participated in a number of telephone, in person and e-mail conversations with parents for a variety of reasons, the most common of which is to problem solve for a struggling student. Two conversations, in particular, stand out in my mind and are perhaps representative of many of the conversations we have with our parent community. While they differed in content and outcome, the common thread in all conversations was the concern for their child and the respect, understanding and openness required on both of our parts in order that our conversations were productive and fruitful.
My first conversation was with a parent with whom I was trying to set up a meeting for the purposes of problem solving and intervening to help his child be more successful in class. Immediately, the conversation took a wrong turn, with dad becoming defensive and attacking, stating “I don’t know why we need to keep going over the same things”, “she’s perfectly fine at home”, and “every day she is being bullied and you don’t do anything about it”.
I know that human instinct is to either flee or fight when confronted with a threat, and in the moment, even I became defensive, attempting to justify why a meeting needed to happen. But very quickly, I began to talk less and listen more, allowing dad to vent, as he so obviously needed to. And as I listened, one thing became perfectly clear – this parent was doing the best they could, and they needed reassurance in that regard. This allowed me to start to establish a trusting relationship, as I was empathetic to the difficulties of parenthood, showed that I valued their opinion and ideas, and that the care and personal regard for his child was utmost in both of our minds.
Sometimes parents need to know that what they’re doing is the right thing, and that they’re not alone. They need to know that school is a safe place for their child, as it may not have been for them growing up. And they need to know that their child’s well-being is as much a priority to us as it is to them. By listening and demostrating respect, care and a personal regard for dad and his daughter, I was able to then enter into a new conversation about meeting to collaborate and share ideas and strategies to help this student become more successful in school. Our subsequent meeting was then collegial and productive, and even filled with moments of laughter. It turns out that we are all struggled with the same difficulties, we all have different strategies for coming, and we determined new strategies and pathways for helping us see the picture – all without anger, resentment or confrontation. It’s amazing how a little positive affirmation goes a long way in creating, what I hope, is an on-going partnership with this parent.
March 1, 2016
Not long ago, my peers, friends and staff responded to my “EQ360”, an assessment of emotional and social functioning rating system. I answered the same questions. Having always prided myself on my ’emotional intelligence’ and my strong interpersonal skills, I was both encouraged and disappointed with my results.
First, for the sake of building up my self esteem, let me say that I am happy to share that all of my ratings came back as ‘above average’ (and thank goodness for that, otherwise, why am I doing what I’m doing?). So one of the questions that needs to be asked is… why am I disappointed?
As would be expected, my ratings sometimes differed from those of my raters. Interestingly, my direct supervisor (my principal) and I were the closest in our responses, with us sometimes being bang on, and sometimes differing between ‘always’ and ‘most of the time’. However, when it came to my direct reports, sometimes the different was between ‘always’ and ‘sometimes’. This leads to some serious thought.
As with any system that asks you to rate others, when someone indicates that they perceive you as not doing as well as you thought you were doing, it can be disappointing. At first you go through denial and then defense, but eventually you come to analysis and reflection that leads you to move forward and possibly change what you’re doing. And that’s really the point of it all, isn’t it?
I often say that no one – adults, students, our bosses, get up in the morning saying “I am going to make someone’s life miserable today”, or “I am not really going to do my job today, I’m just going to be selfish and float through the day”. Yet, we all know, that sometimes, it might seem like that by the people who interact with us. Why is that so? I believe that it comes down to differences between what we ‘think’ we are doing or how we’re doing it, how others ‘perceive’ our voice and our actions, and what they ‘want’ or ‘expect’ from us.
While I don’t think it comes down to an ‘us’ vs ‘them’ mentality, I think there is a huge discrepancy between intention and outcome. We might think we are being flexible, but if we don’t let people know what that flexibility entails, they only see what they do or do not get from us. We might believe that we are empathetic and understanding, but if we don’t share our thinking, or demonstrate in words and actions that we truly understand, appreciate, think about and act on the thoughts and actions of others, our intentions are only seen in the thought bubble inside our head.
Completing a 360 might result in a little hit to our ego, but in the end, it should (and did for me) result in changes in the way we think, act and demonstrate our emotional intelligence so that we can continue and improve the ways in which we build relationships and develop people, so that they feel safe and encouraged to change and grow both personally and professionally.
teribrunner 